Talia's POV



All the while, my heart was beating so fast. It felt as if my heart beat had tripled. Why would I ever even think of that? What if he walked in on me doing it? He definitely would feel betrayed. He's softened so much, but he definitely would not be cool with me snooping through his stuff.

So I sat still, resisting the idea with every iota of self control in my body. There really wasn't much to do. Sitting and staring was a really boring exercise. There's nothing new in this room, Kael's main room. The other one, which he reserved for whoever was where he transferred to when on the first night, he laid me on his bed to sleep.

It was a nice place, just quite modest. And it's no surprise, there really isn't much one could bring all the way here. I was really bored, and for some reason, hyperactive. It started with cleaning out the dirt under my fingernails, then sticking my pinky into my ears to pack out as much wake as I could and making a spot of seeing where it landed when I tapped it out of my nails. I soon got bored of that when my ears started to hurt from multiple penetrations.


I then cracked my knuckles, one by one, slowly and painfully, each one of them. The time still hadn't gone far. The sun was as bright as it was when I started, maybe even brighter. I could not hold myself back anymore. Seeing it as payback for him leaving me all this time, alone and by myself, it would just be a simple transaction then.

I still hadn't put my clothes on, it was a different type of feeling walking about naked. Hearing my thighs slap against each other, my breasts too, feeling them create moisture in my underboob. It almost made me giggle, but then it'd just have seemed like I was mad.


Surprisingly, it was unlocked. I did not think Kael thought we've gotten to this level of transparency. I smiled and paused for a bit. Firstly, he trusted me enough to do that, secondly, but sadly, I was about to break his trust. I'd come too far to go back, even if I did go back, I'd be back in no time.

I tiptoed, all the while watching my back like there was someone else in there with me. I finally got over that, chanting to myself that I really was the only one and if there's any caution I should be taking, it's speed. I really don't know when or how soon he'd have been back, but it made sense to hurry up.

It looked quite similar to the other room, but there was far more space. Some dusty books were stacked in a corner, the coat of dust on them suggested that they hadn't switched places in a really long time. They were classic novels, some I recognised.

'Talia, you shouldn't be doing this." I kept saying to myself, but if anything, all it did was spur me on. It sounded like the perfect soundtrack fit for my illegit mission.

I kept looking at every stack of book, searching for the one I was here for. I stumbled on some other rougher and old looking journals, but they did not look familiar, they weren't the ones I was after.

Finally, I saw it sitting pretty in a corner of his bed. Jackpot. Fuck! It had a code lock. I haven't know Kael long enough to ask his favourite numbers. I made a mental note to do more of small talks going forward.

What could it be? What could it be? I put both rollers on number zero and it unlocked, second jackpot! Fuck! I didn't check the numbers he left it in. Now that was going to be some serious give away.

He had a surprisingly cursive writing, quite muddled too. It does not surprise me too much though, for someone who barely talks about how they feel, it's no wonder he had more freedom penning it down, however jumbled it seemed.

There were grouped by dates, apparently, today was the twenty third day of June. Wow! That's some clarity, at least I know the date. I obviously can't remember how long I've been here, but I noticed his writings were more starting from a little less than a month ago. His past characteristic four to five lines had sprawled into days where he had full pages. That meant something, I could use that to find out at what point I fit into his life.

‘She looked so fragile. I was glad I finally found her, though I'd have rather not under these circumstances. I really hope she knows I still love her as much as I did, maybe even more. Sadly, it does not look like she cares for me. The Isla I know would have melted into a puddle when she saw it was me. I really feel there something off, but I'd rather die mending it than spend another day without her.'

Fast forward to some days after,

‘I really do not want to have to compare, but…

Let's leave that. She's a beautiful person, but broken. Gives us more things in common. Oh, and before it skips my mind, I also hate to admit that I kinda had a nice time seeing vulnerable. It wasn't to most ideal of situations, she just had one of her flashbacks(of I could call it that), but even telling myself that while I massaged her didn't make me less hard. I wanted to solve my dick down her throat, make her choke, like she makes me when I see her perky nipples in the morning.'

I stopped there. This is why I shouldn't have read it. I could not have thought there was anything good in reading his thoughts. If it was even supposed to make me feel good, it did not. All Kara said earlier was to spice to this. What if all he really wanted was the sex. It really does go two ways. If I was going to argue in favour of that, all we've bee doing of late is sexing. I was a waste of time washing bedsheets and blankets that already reeked with sex juices. If his bed wasn't as solid as it was, it'd have stater giving way. Kael was an animal when it came to that, knocking me out of my senses.

And also, he really has cared about me long before I even gave myself a chance to see him as someone I could be with. I really still feel like a fraud. The bulk of what he's interested in is Isla's body, his former lover's. Would he still feel this same way if it was me?

His writing seemed more muddled that I was before, maybe it actually was, or maybe it's all in my head, I didn't know, and I did not care. I put the book on the bed beside me and just stared at my feet

I caused this for myself. Part of me feels like I'm overreacting, but these really are those feelings I never got over before plunging head first into whatever this was.

He really could be after just her body. It'd be fucked if he ever had to tell me that. But then, we've had conversations that felt like he actually enjoyed my company, coupled with night times when he begs to sleep off to me talking about something he asked.

Its really not a black and white situation. I'm not going to lie to myself and say I didn't steal glances at his print sometimes when it was obvious, or even search for it when it wasn't. We bkth are physically attractive, and that's not something if love to based this relationship on. Kael's been starved of women for quite a while, anything with a hole between it's legs would surely entice him.

I have to stop thinking these things.

'Hey." I looked up to see him at the door. I could swear my spirit fled from my body at that time. I was caught not just red handed, but neck deep. What sort of a fool am I? I barely even saw anything. Fuck!

It felt like my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. I stared dumbly at him. I was even beginning to irritate myself at this point.

Kael caught me stark naked in his room, my head buried in my hands, and his journey right beside me, opened! I didn't even get the chance to leave trail marks and maybe make him suspect something was off. By then, I'd have come to terms with it all and decided if I wanted to talk about it. Or maybe just even out myself.

'I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could say. Nothing else made sense. I had boldly shown him I wasn't fit to stay in his house alone, and even if he wanted to risk it, he'd lock his valuables up.

'If there's something you wanted to know, you could've just asked." He was really cool and collected, like he saw me reading his novel and not his diary. 'I'd have told you." He continued, resting on his other leg. 'Now you'd have seen stuff that I felt but feel no more, and it'd go to your head and you'd make this whole big deal about it, and whatever I say now wouldn't even make sense to you." He looked me in the eyes and gave his defeat sigh. I felt worse than I ever did. I was a failure.