Paris is smiling as I watch my mom walk towards me "mom-" "Silas kitchen now" she grabs my hand dragging me

"What the heck was that?" I hear Paris's whisper as I'm being pulled away. "Am I dead? Or were you and Trevor kissing?" We turn to each other


"No you're not dead I'm dead, and gone to heaven"

"What's going on?"

"I don't know honestly, he came over and was like he's completely ok with us being together" "But he's not gay"


"Thank you! I've been saying that this whole time! I don't know what to believe mom, he's kissing

me and telling me it's all ok but last week he was screaming" "What do you want?"


"To not feel so guilty..."

"Why do you feel guilty?" I shrug, why shouldn't I feel guilty?

"It's complicated" turning I watch him and Paris talk, their words are inaudible but he's laughing. I gulp at the sight of Paris making him feel good "I'm going to take what I can get."

"Honey that's crazy, you hear how crazy that sounds right?" "Yes" I turn back sighing sadly "but mom it's Trevor" "Exactly, your best friend"

"I have to do this"

"Are you ok with how this is going to end?"

Nodding "he'll realize how insane this all was and want to stop, or he wakes up from an obvious blackout and end our friendship completely. Either way, it'll be dumb not to try"

"I don't want to be a bad guy and tell you to not do this, but I have to protect your heart" "See him over there?" I point "he already has my heart mom, it's too late"

"Oh, honey." She rubs my back. "You have to let me do this" "Okay," she agrees.

—

"Remember freshman year?"

"Of course, waiting months to see Angels and Airwaves live just to get kicked out like the first half hour of the show." It was the only important thing that happened to us that year.

"I remember being depressed all summer and you spending all your savings on Angels and Airwaves tickets to make me feel better." We're in my room with the door shut and I'm standing nowhere near him "that's the kind of friend you are"

I shake my head "that's someone in love with you" it was easy for me to interpret in my mind that Trevor was in love with me all these years.

"When did you know?"

I smile "it was everything you did Trevor, when my dad left us and you spent all of middle school coming to my house every day after school. Playing soccer with me, video games, and spending the weekends at each other's houses so I wouldn't feel abandoned." It all feels a little too real to relive "you slept on an air mattress right there almost every night" I point to the empty spot on the floor near my bed.

"And one night you heard me crying, you said... I'm glad he left, anyone who doesn't understand how awesome you are should leave, but I won't I'll never leave you." We were twelve and I remember everything about us like it all happened yesterday. "That's the kind of friend you are."

"I know it felt like I rejected you Silas but I needed to process, I'm sorry for everything I said." He takes me and hugs me, his hands gripping my lower back as his lips touch my shoulder. The deep rasp of his voice whispers "it was killing me knowing I was hurting you" when he moves his head his forehead was on mine. Slowly we start to kiss each other but slowly turns to hot and bothered, caressing each other as we heat up our lips never part.

"Silas, Trevor?" Until my mother knocks interrupting

Sighing I move my lips and we let go, opening the door "Yes mom?" "It's getting late Trevor should be heading home soon"

"Mom it's only..." I take a quick glance at the clock on my nightstand " 7 pm!"

"No she's right Sy I need to get home, I'll leave soon Helen" she nods walking away and I shut the door. "Do you have fantasies about us?"

Is the sky blue? I nod "will you tell me one?" "What?" I shyly grin "no"

"Come on Sy just one"

"Fine... a recurring one is us alone spending the perfect day together, then it's night and we spend the perfect night" I hint without saying it

"together."

He smiles "that's it?" I nod "why?"

"Because I'm gonna make it come true" he replies with a confident grin opening the door

"What Trevor that's-" planting his lips on mine he kisses me but I know it's to shut me up "Don't be nervous I'll see you tomorrow" then he just walks out.

Don't be nervous

"MOM!" I rush to her room "mind if I run over to Paris's for a few?" "Everything ok?"

If I tell her Trevor is thinking about sex with me she'll freak, but if I don't talk to someone I'll die "yeah great, be right back."

"Okay."

Leaving my house I run over to Paris's house knocking on her front door, she opens the door and a smile pops on her face as soon as she sees me "hi"

"I need your help"

She steps out shutting her door "what's wrong?"

What isn't wrong "it's Trevor I don't understand what's happening" "you mean with the kissing today?"

"I mean with everything today, you stood right there with us last Saturday he completely hated me,

right? Wouldn't even look at me but now he's talking about having a special day" "A special day?"

"Sex, Paris"

"Oh... and you don't want to?"

"I'm confused, am I supposed to go along with it just because he says it's ok? Forget this is moving faster than he probably wants and I'm comfortable with? Tell me what to do"

"No one knows Trevor more than you do, I don't think he'd do this if he didn't think it's what you wanted."

"Is that what he told you?"

"No" she chuckles "why would he?"

"I mean I saw you 2 talking earlier at my house"

"I was just... not minding my own business I'm sorry" "No, you're his friend I get that"