"Stop apologizing Silas," he says getting in the car. I watch as he puts on his seatbelt and start the car and before he pulls away he turns to me with a sad face then pulls off.

When my mom finally shows I get in "he spoke to me, mom" "What happened?" She drives away


"Well I followed him to his car and apologized and he told me to stop apologizing," "That's it?" I nod "what happened to giving him some time?"

"Mom if I give him time, he'll never come back to me, he'll continue to resent me till we graduate, and never speak to each other again."

Then 10 years from now we'll run into each other and pretend like we never knew each other. I don't want that, I don't want to be a stranger to him.


—

"He won't answer my calls or texts"


"Me neither" Paris replies from her porch as I stand on mine

"Thanks for your help Paris but it's been a week and nothing, he skips and ignores me at least he talks to you when it's not about me." I don't know what else to do Trevor is slipping through my fingers and it feels like I'm letting him.

"Have you tried going to his house?" "No" I scoff. "I cant ambush him."

"Maybe you should if this feels like it is your last chance."

"Maybe..." The weight of rejection lays heavy in my heart as I think of a plan to get Trevor and I speaking again.

We both go inside our houses and I see my mom on the couch, sitting next to her I lean my head on her shoulder "you and Paris are getting close considering you hated her guts 2 weeks ago."

"I never hated her... that much. Plus, she gets what I'm going through." "Would you want to do something tomorrow?"

"Like what?" I look at her

"I don't know anything to cheer you up it's been a rough week" "Sure sounds good."

It's late and I lay on my back staring into nothingness, a regular Friday night like this Trevor would be in my room playing video games, or I'm at his house working on a lie to tell our parents to sneak off and do something we're not supposed to be doing. I miss my best friend and it's killing me.

12:32 am

Have you tried going to his house?

Don't be stupid Silas you can't just go over there... but if I don't it'll just be another week of him hating and ignoring me. Sitting up I shut my mind and put shoes on, I'm doing this.

Sneaking out of my room I walk past my mom's room making sure her lights are off, taking the keys to her car I rush out the house holding my breath until I pull away.

Getting there I park in front of his house panicking, I don't even know what I'm going to say but I have to do something. Getting out to walk to the front door not sure if I should knock because it's so late, or throw rocks at his window till he's forced to talk to me. Standing there like a frozen idiot the front door swings open and I see his older sister, "hey Abby"

"Silas, what's up?" She walks out all dressed up "Going out?"

"Yeah" she shuts the door "where have you been?" "Here and there busy with school, you know?"

"I hear that... if you're looking for Trev he's in the back chugging dads beers. You know what's going on with him?" I guess he didn't tell them

"I have some idea,"

"All right well whatever it is I'm sure you can fix it" I wouldn't be so sure. "Anyway if you run into the folks you never saw me" she walks from the door

"Okay." Taking a deep breath I walk around the house opening the gate to the backyard, my eyes land on him sitting on the deck beer in his hand. His head is down so he doesn't see me but I can see him, and what I see hurts. I broke Trevor. I walk closer counting the empty bottles next to him, "8 beers" I start startling him and he looks up and sees me "you know you're a lightweight right?" I have to start somewhere

Seeing me he groans and chugs the bottle, shutting his eyes he says "you're not actually here you're just in my head" I stop walking and he opens his eyes "God!" He groans frustrated and drinks more "what do you want?" He asks after moving the bottle from his lips.

Honesty Silas "you," I reply "I want my best friend back." "Come here I'll give you what you actually want" he's drunk. "I know you don't mean that"

"Then what do you want from me, Silas?"

"I don't know yell at me! Call me names! Hit me if you have to" I blurt out "Hit you?"

"Yes, Trevor if that's what it'll take for you to forgive me then yes, punch me in the face do something!"

"Can't you tell I don't want to do that, Dumbass!" He finally stands up stumbling down the steps till he loses his footing and trips.

Catching him before he hits the ground I help him up and before I could pull away he grabs my head kissing me, his beer-soaked lips are on mine and I wish that's what I wanted right now. "Trevor stop" I pull away

He chuckles "I try to give you what you want and you pull away, I tell you to stay away from me and you won't, you're more confused than I am, dude." Turning around he reaches for his beer leaving his back to me

"I know now I can never have you like I want, and I'll be ok with that someday, but right now I just really need my friend back."

"Did you think about that when you were kissing me? If in the world that's not in your head I said no... did you think further than kissing me?" No, I didn't "because if you did you would've seen it ending up this way." He looks at me and I'm doing my best keeping eye contact without crying, "you know what pisses me off more? I don't know if I'm taking this like I should, or if I should be more forgiving. My gay friend kissed me, that happens to guys all the time right?"

"I did see it ending this way"

"And you risked it anyway" he uncaps the beer taking a sip

"Because... I love you" the truth comes out. Saying it now didn't feel like how I've told him before, this one's different and the way he's looking at me tells me he understood it how I meant for it to sound. "I've always loved you, Trevor"

"Yeah?" He asks and I nod "well, I've always loved you too... idiot."