"I know" I really do feel bad for what I said to Paris because when she's not a complete bitch she's nice and brings us fruits from the trees in her backyard. "Can I please go see him" I beg again

"Fine Silas go but be his friend first not the guy that has feelings for him" "I will" I stand up "can I borrow your car?"


"Sure keys are by the door"

"Thanks" rushing to my room I freshen up and leave.

Be his friend first... Sure I can do that, not. My heart hurts knowing he's home sad because Paris stood him up, I'd never do that to him.


Getting to his house I walk to the backyard opening the gate "woah" I see all the lights on, it looks so amazing with the flowers and decorations. My eyes land on Trevor still waiting at the table he set up in the backyard covered in food, his sad eyes meet mine and a small smile appear on his face "hi" I greet

"Hey" his eyes and smile follow me as I walk to him sitting in the chair across him meant for Paris "This looks great"


"I told you" he looks down at the table playing with his fork "how'd you know?"

I saw her getting in someone else's car "figured if it was going well you would've texted by now to tell me"

"She stood me up," he says sadly "I'm sorry Trev that sucks"

"She sucks" his frown and sad brown eyes are killing me

I'D NEVER STAND YOU UP! I wanted to yell "did she say anything?"

"Just this" He hands me the phone with the text can't make it no apologies nothing, my blood boils "don't be mad"

"I'm not mad" I quickly look up from his phone

"Sy I know you enough to know when you suck your lips in like that you're mad" "She can't just do that to you! Why aren't you mad?"

"I don't know I mean maybe it was important" it wasn't.

"But you did all of this and for what?"

"For you," he replies smiling making my heart stop. This is it, it's happening I mentally prepare for him to tell me how he feels "if I can't enjoy this with Paris then at least I have my best friend, right?"

There goes my hopes "right..." staying over we eat the food and hang out as I try to make him feel better and forget about stupid Paris. It was getting late "I should head home my mom needs the car for work tomorrow"

"Ok I'll pick you up tomorrow to hang out gonna need help getting these lights down"

I nod getting up grabbing my phone and keys "so what about Paris?" He shrugs "I'll let you know if she texts me"

"Ok."

This is impossible! How am I supposed to just be his friend? When I'm around him I can't even act natural my palms get really sweaty and I smile more than a middle schooler. I'm ruining our friendship and for what? I'm never going to tell him, I'm going to die with this secret eating me up inside instead of coming forward. Trevor, I'm so in love with you, I love it when I'm sad and you do everything in your power to make me smile, how you stand up for me and stay by my side. I don't want this to affect us but if I didn't come out and say it I'd suffocate Silas, I love you too I always have, let's be together, would you like that?

Yeah right.

Getting home my mom gets ready for bed "how'd it go?" She asks as I stand at the bathroom door watching her clean her face

"I was his friend first if that's what you're asking" "Everything's going to be ok Silas"

"You know what sucks? I could make him so much happier than Paris ever could, I would never hurt him"

"Honey if you want to tell Trevor the truth you should but be prepared for your friendship to suffer" "Not what I want"

"If everything worked out as we wanted them to Silas that would be great, but they don't. It's a risk but if you're hurting this much you have to do something."

I am going to do something I'm gonna swallow this down and pretend there are no feelings until the feelings go away, if they ever do.

Next day I stand in the kitchen digging for something to eat "SILAS!" I hear Trevor yell from the front door

"I'm in the kitchen"

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I look at him coming towards me with an angry look "What?"

"Paris ignored my calls all night when she finally answered this morning she told me it was because of you. You told her to stay away from me, why?!"

"Because she stood you up! Was I not supposed to stand up for you?"

"Silas you called her a piece of shit! This is the whole Bethany thing all over again, it's like you don't want to see me with anybody!"

"Ok wait, what happened with Bethany was your fault Trevor I tried to help!"

"You think you try to help but somehow you make everything so much worse, do me a favor and stop trying to help ok stay out of my business." I watch him leave the kitchen and I want to lose it, I can't believe this is what I get for trying to be his friend.

Feeling like I'm about to cry I take out my phone calling my mom "what is it Silas I'm busy" she answers

"Trevor and I got in a fight" I reply sadly "What happened?"

"Paris told him what I said and he came over and yelled at me, he told me to stay out of his business.

I was just trying to help" my voice starts to break.

"Silas you didn't help though, you didn't act like a friend you let your anger get the best of you like someone with feelings. If you can't be Trevor's friend things like this will always hurt more than they should" I stay quiet "are you crying?"

"No" I reply low so she won't detect it in my voice "I'm so sorry honey"

"No you're right I deserved that I don't know how to act anymore when it comes to him, maybe a fight and some time apart is what we need." I wipe my eyes

"We'll talk about this more when I get home ok" "Ok" we hang up.

"You knew didn't you?" I hear looking up to see Trevor walking towards me "that's why you came

over, you told her off because she was standing me up" I give a slight nod "why didn't you tell me?" "To avoid this, I felt bad about what I said to her but I was just trying to stand up for you"

"Sy you called her a piece of shit, you yell at me for swearing yet it was so easy for you to call her that"

"She was hurting my best friend"

Not saying anything Trevor comes to me wrapping his arms around me and hugging me, wrapping my arms around him I hug him back.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you" he says against my shoulder "you're always there for me."

Oh, my god, his smell and the way he feels right now are pushing my brain into overload, my restraints are coming undone and I can't stop it "I love you" slips out as he lets go.

Gazing into my eyes I'm afraid of what'll happen next "I love you too Sy" he replies and that was all the confirmation I needed. With no attempt to stop myself I kiss him, it's awkward and there's no response, confirming that this is how I ruin our friendship. Pulling away to explain I don't get the chance because Trevor starts to kiss me back.