Leo

Clearing my throat "hi everyone" I stand at the podium "my name's Frankie" "Hi Frankie" everyone sings


"And I'm ready to confess" I drop my head ashamed "I was doing great, I made zero contact for 2

whole weeks! But I was weak" I frown. "I

was on my way to work sitting on the train, I looked up and there he was, Leo Douglas on a poster advertising his work. I looked away but it wasn't fast enough because the moment I stepped foot off the train I called him, he didn't answer, he hasn't answered a single call. I want Leo Douglas back" I confess and they all murmur "thank you."


The director claps and everyone joins in, I sit back down with the group. "Thank you for the confession, Frankie, please see me after tonight's meeting" I nod. "Ok folks remember to always remind ourselves that the sex you want to have isn't really who you are. Sex is a construct of the body trying to take over the mind, your body is not just for sex. Come on repeat after me, my body is not just for sex"

We all say together "my body is not just for sex" some of us do try to believe that, but I can't. The minute I met Leo Douglas my body became whatever he wanted it to be.


"How are you, Frankie?" I walk with Director Aaron after the meeting "Good" I lie to the both of us

"That confession was very blatant, last time you spoke of Leo Douglas you swore that was it. We congratulated you on your 2 weeks 2 days ago, remember?"

"Yes and I'm still good I mean he doesn't even answer my calls so"

"That's it, Frankie, you can't call him, progress is no contact from either end. You have to cut Leo off completely, you are giving him the power by calling. You cannot give him the power!"

"I know I know"

"Good so no calling, and take care of yourself. Next time you run into one of his ads make it your bitch"

"Okay," I leave.

—

"Hello" I answer my phone as I'm walking

"I'm standing outside your apartment, where are you?" Marlon asks "I'm not home yet"

"Duh, you finish work at 3 where have you been all day?"

"My meeting! I've told you this a thousand times Marlon, Tuesdays, and Thursdays I have my meetings."

"Frankie you don't need sex addicts anonymous! I keep telling you to leave Leo alone and move on, that's it! Why don't you listen to me when I say it? Some stranger's word is better than mine"

"You don't get it" and he doesn't, no one but those people at the meetings gets it. Leo Douglas owns me in every sense of the word, and there is shit I can do about it. "I'll be home soon" I hang up.

Quick back story, before Leo I had a perfectly healthy sex life, I knew my worth. It was at a gay bar, people were grabbing their drinks to go dance, I love to watch it all, and there he was. Clearly uncomfortable as he stood against the bar hand around his drink, and his eyes down so he didn't notice anyone, I noticed him first. He stuck out like a sore thumb, I stared until he noticed me. The moment that man looked at me everything I was became his, it sounds impossible and honestly completely made up. But there we were eyes locked and from that moment I became obsessed, and now I can't breathe. I thought it was smart cutting Leo off because although no one could do to me what he does, it's crazy to think you belong to someone.

"You're gonna fuck him again" Marlon comments as we walk into my apartment "I know it" "No, I'm not"

"If you meant that you would've stopped going to those meetings, and we wouldn't be talking about this. Frankie, you're a 25-year-old completely in lust with someone who just uses you" what's so wrong with that? "It's not normal."

"I love him, Marlon"

He scoffs "no you don't, you're just hypnotized by dick. Just go find some new dick!"

Yes because it's that easy, no one can pull me out of my body just to put me right back like Leo. He touches me and whatever pain I felt disappears, the way he takes control of me with just some contact and a few words. "Leo's dick is not just any dick"

"Yes it is because dicks are just dicks, my dick, your dick, they are just dicks." What a nice speech. "You've never been in love Marlon so you don't know"

"No see, I have been in love that's how I know whatever you got isn't love, Leo's got you all fucked in

the head, Frankie."

Walking away I ignore him, this is why I prefer my meetings no one there's an asshole to me. Dropping my stuff I walk to the kitchen grabbing some glasses and some leftover wine, bringing

them to the coffee table I pour in the glasses taking one and sitting down. "We're those gays

tonight?"

"Yes so take it and sit down." He picks up the glass sitting next to me... it's quiet as we drink, no matter how mad I am at him I can never not talk "he used to thank my butt"

Marlon laughs "what?" I join in and we laugh together "he thanks your butt?" I nod "I know it's weird but it meant so much to me"

"What is your life" we try to contain our laughter.

"I know it's like I'm different now but once I get Leo out of my life completely, I'll be myself again. His control won't last forever"

"I really hope so Frankie."

We finish another bottle and Marlon passes out. I, on the other hand, lay in bed counting ceiling tiles, like I do every... single... night. I couldn't even touch myself to fall asleep if I wanted to, nothing feels right. I toss and turn finally giving up on sleep, I don't mind staying up thinking about what he does to me, but this is how it starts. I think myself into submission and I pick up that phone and call begging him to answer, then what?