ARIEL.
Two guards stood by the hallway, but they didn't look my way. I walked past them, holding back a wave of tears that threatened to pour down my cheeks.
Goddess knew I couldn't go back to my room. Not yet. I wasn't ready to answer Daneesha's questions and I didn't care if I got punished for appearing late for duties.

I slipped out through one of the side doors that led into the gardens, lifting my gown as I hurried down the cobblestone path flanked by rose bushes. I wasn't ready to be seen by anyone at this hour of the day.
As soon as I was deep in the garden mazed, I slipped into one of the stone seats lining the small lane and leaned back, closing my eyes as the morning sun hit my face.
This was shittier than I imagined.
I had gone from excitement to fear and anger in the space of a few days. My self-esteem was really low, and it had me questioning my identity and my worth. Alpha Lyall was my mate, but it felt like he didn't want me. It felt like he was just doing this to make me feel happy.
Happy to be a breeder? I laughed bitterly. It was the most insulting thing to ever happen to anyone, and I experienced it first-hand.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and I blinked back, trying to stop the tears but they kept coming. I couldn't even control it. Hell, I hate myself now, more than ever.

I wanted more. I wanted to be more than a useless breeder. I wanted to be the woman he wanted to be around every day. I wanted to be the woman he couldn't breathe without.
But it was different. It felt like he wanted me for the thrill of it. The kisses and the sex and nothing else. I wasn't worth being more than that.
What made him think making me his concubine was the best idea? Was he expecting me to fall to his knees to thank him for that?
His threats had been the most annoying part of it and, honestly, I wasn't even ready to think of it.

After sitting there for a while, I decided it was time for me to get dressed and appear for duty.
I knew punishment awaited me and, honestly, I didn't care if I was asked to clean every part of the palace with a toothbrush. I just needed him out of my mind and only extreme work could take him off my mind.
Daneesha was still in the room when I got back. She must have returned to pick something up and when she saw me, she straightened to her full height, her face ridden with worry.
She walked towards me and grabbed my arm softly. "Where have you been, Aria? I didn't see you all night. You weren't around for dinner and this morning, you didn't even report for duty. I had to lie that you caught the flu this morning, so you wouldn't get punished."
I sighed and went to take a seat on my bed. I wasn't ready to talk about anything with regard to last night. It wasn't even something I was supposed to talk about.
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Thank you for helping me, but I would have loved to join duties today."
"No. Just stay here and rest. If they find out I am lying, we will both be punished. I'll sneak breakfast in for you in an hour."
I nodded. "Thank you, Daneesha."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I laughed and evaded the question. "You don't want someone looking for you and punishing you for staying out too long?"
She nodded and quickly walked to the door. Before she left, she gave me a stern look. "Make sure you are waiting with full details for me when I return tonight."
I spent the rest of my day staring up at the ceiling. Daneesha came with food twice before she disappeared for the rest of the day.
Being alone in this room drove me to a point of madness. I couldn't even stay a minute without thoughts of Alpha Lyall flooding my brain.
His threats still lingered, and it hurt so badly that it engulfed the memories of him eating me out last night.
I squirmed in my bed. I missed him terribly. I hated that I was unsure when it came to him. He was the first man I'd ever been intimate with, and I had no idea what to do. Several times, I had climbed out of my bed with the purpose of going to see him, but there was a likelihood that I wasn't going to find him in his chambers, so I stayed behind. Plus, I wasn't even ready to be punished for lying about being sick. Well, Daneesha was going to be in trouble too, so I stayed back.
Daneesha returned later at night looking exhausted. She had a paper bag in her hand and a foil in the other. She smiled and walked over to me before dumping it at my side and going to her side of the room.
She flopped into her bed. "Ugh, I am so fucking tired."
"What did you do today?" I asked as I unwrapped the paper to see that an airtight container containing chicken sauce was inside. The foil was wrapped around a medium-sized morsel of gingerbread.
"A lot. We had to finish cleaning up the mess from the party that was held nights ago. Then laundry. I don't know how many guards we have in this palace, but they are too many. Plus, it's really hard to clean their hard combat outfit. I have several bruises on my fingers."
"I'm really sorry. I feel bad. I should have joined in."
She waved it off. "That's in the past. Now, tell me where you were last night."
I knew I was flustered now because she was smiling while giving me that suspicious look. "Nowhere."
"You don't have to tell me a lie. If you're fucking one of the hot guards, I wouldn't mind. I want one for myself."
"You're something else." I burst into laughter.
"So it's a guard, right?"
I honestly had no answer to give her, so I looked up from my food and sighed. "Daneesha, you should get rested. Unlike you, I did nothing today."
"Then we shall talk about it tomorrow." She nodded and went straight to bed.
As soon as her eyes fluttered close, I leaned back into the wall and closed my eyes, sighing in defeat.