Maybe it was the pounding headache chipping away at my sanity, or the constant worry over Jax that stopped me from enjoying my night out with Bash.
Perhaps Bash caught onto my less-than-enthused mood. “We could go back to my place,” he suggested as we followed the crowd out of the park.
He’d taken me on a picnic date at the local Shakespeare in the Park. Too bad I wasn’t in the right headspace to appreciate the romantic gesture.

And if ever there was a perfect setting for a romantic evening, it was that night. The full moon stood out against the clear sky, and even with all the city lights, the stars shone bright enough I could see the twinkling sparks scattered across the dark expanse.
“You have a place in the city?” I asked, feigning interest as I scan the crowd lining up at the food trucks.
Smoke from the grill tickled my nose, warm and heavy in the air, mixed with the aroma of grilled meat. Beneath it all, were shifting traces of cut grass, cigarettes and the faint perfume of flowers from the nearby flowerbeds.
“Mm.” Bash nodded. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and laced his fingers with mine. “It’s not far from here. We can walk or grab an Uber if you prefer.”
After the park, the plan was to drop in on his friend’s party. Honestly, I’d have rather he took me back to the mansion and called it a night.
I wasn’t even in the mood to fuck, and I’m always in the mood to take some dick. A good fuck puts me to sleep faster than any sleeping pill, clear my head, and has me revved up to face the day better than any booster shot. But all I wanted was to curl into a ball and be alone.

Have you ever felt down for no reason you can name, like there was a heavy cloud hanging over your head you can’t to shake?
Thinking back on it, I should have stayed my ass home.
“We can walk,” I told him, thinking the quiet stroll would clear my pounding head in a way the overcrowded park didn’t.
A noisy gust of wind swept over us, and I turned my heated face into it, enjoying the cool relief. The weekend crowd was out in full force, flooding the sidewalks. At every patio we passed people ate, drank and laughed, shouting over car engines and the occasional horn. Bar-hoppers stumbled along the street, half-drunk, loud, and laughing like packs of hyenas at every little thing they found amusing.

This was my scene, and on any other night, my blood would be thrumming with excitement. Nine times out of ten, I’d be in the backseat of some random motherfucker’s car, high off my favourite grade-A grass getting head, while Jax was on the phone—listening, watching, turning me on by listing my punishment for when I found my way back to him.
Sometimes he’d invite my new friend over. If I’m honest, those were the nights I liked the least. I never liked the idea of sharing Jax. Call me a hypocrite, I don’t give a fuck. When I was with Jax, I could slip into my headspace, be his princess, and know Daddy would take care of me.
With others it was all about the physical, chasing the high of getting off. Meaningless. By ourselves, I got to be me. I was free to express myself and it was never, not ever, about the physical.
Jax and I vibed on level I haven’t found with anyone else. Not even Alana, who demanded more than he ever dared ask.
“What’s on your mind, Pretty? You’ve been quiet all night.”
“I know,” I blew out a long breath and leaned into his side. “Have you heard from Jax?”
His body stiffened, fingers flexing around mine; a fleeting reaction I would have missed if I hadn’t been leaning against his solid frame.
“No, why?”
I straightened, carrying my own weight. “I haven’t been able to get ahold of him.”
Traffic zoomed by as we stopped at a red light. Bash released my hand and shoved his into the pocket of his leather jacket.
His retreat shouldn’t have hurt. Yeah, I understood. Which man wanted to hear his date talk about another man?
Still, standing there, I’d never felt more alone. Where was Jax? What family emergency took him away from me? In all our years together, he’d never once mentioned having anyone or anything he cared for outside of his bar and the people who worked for him.
Jax cared for me.
“…Pretty?”
“Uh?” I looked up to find Bash staring down at me. “What?”
“I was saying…” His gaze flicked to two women passing us, eye fucking him as if I wasn’t standing there.
The fucker smirked, turning his head all the way around to follow them.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” I sneered, facing forward.
“You’re not jealous, are you?”
Please. I laughed, I mean, really laughed.
Bash chuckled, dryly. “Yeah, didn’t think so. You’re too busy thinking about Jax.”
My head snapped around to face him. “Jealous?”
It was petty. I mean, we were on a date, and he wasn’t wrong. The whole night, my mind had been on Jax, constantly checking my phone, praying he called or texted.
“I didn’t know you two were close like that,” he said, meeting my gaze with fire in his eyes.
Yeah, the fucker wasn’t only jealous, he was pissed.
“Like what?”
The light changed, and he motioned for me to move as he stepped off the curb to cross the street.
I followed.
“I figured you two were just fuck buddies. I mean, aren’t you his little slut, the one he whores out when he wants to get off?”
I stopped dead in the middle of the road. “What the fuck did you say to me?”
He stopped, but he didn’t turn around. Not right away. His shoulders dropped. Slowly, he turned to face me. “Pretty—”
“Pretty fucking nothing. Did you just call me a whore?”
Horns blared; some asshole shouted over the cacophony for us to get out of the way. I stuck my middle finger up at the idiot and stormed off. 
“Hollis,” Bash called after me.
I wheeled around and flipped him off, too. “Fuck you, Sebastian, the Crab.” Spinning around, I marched blindly to the other side of the street.
There I was on the sidewalk, hands balled into fists, chest heaving, my mind stuck on ‘the one he whores out’. The bastard belittled something I’d shared with him in confidence and threw it back in my face.
Fighting back tears, I stepped right, stopped, then turned to go left. I stepped to go right again and bumped into four drunken idiots horsing around, college boys out on the town looking for a good time.
Fuck it. I pushed my way through the group, not caring I was being rude.
“Hey, where are you rushing off to?” one of the four stopped to ask.
His words fell on deaf ears. Tuning out my surroundings, I marched down the street as if I were on a mission.
Where was I going, you ask? Fuck if I knew.
At one point, the idea struck that I should order an Uber. I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and brought up the app as another idea took root.
“Yes,” I said out loud, to no one.
You’d be surprised know how much I talk to myself when I’m pissed. Mind set on making my way over to Jax, I typed in the address and waited to be connected to a driver.
Even if he wasn’t home, I’d still stay at his for the night. I had his keys, and the idea of wrapping myself in his smell and falling asleep made me instantly feel better.
Someone tugged on my elbow. Believing it was Bash, I shrugged them off and picked up the pace.
Fuck him. As far as I was concerned, we were done. My thumb was over the button to confirm my ride when…
“Oh, this bitch thinks she’s too good for us.” The stranger’s voice caught my attention.
I spun around, mouth open, ready to cuss the bastard out.
“Ah,” I gasped, staring at the scene before me.
Bash looked up from the men laid out at his feet to me. They were the same four guys I’d bumped into earlier.
“Still mad at me, Pretty?”
“What did you do?”
He dusted his hands and stepped over the first of the four to stir from his dirt nap. Groaning, the man tried to push up on one arm, swayed and slumped onto his side.
“What does it look like?”
“It looks like you knocked them clean out.” As I said the words, I scanned the street, heart thudding, checking if anyone was watching or calling the police.
We were standing a good distance from the stoplight. Realization dawned on me that the four had followed me. Probably trying to get my attention and when they failed to, decided to do something dumb like grab my arm.
“Looks like I knocked them clean out,” Bash repeated, amusement dancing in his amber eyes.
“Good for you.”
Was I supposed to be impressed? I turned and walked away.
“Fuck. Hollis, wait. I’m sorry.” He raised his voice just enough for me to hear him.
I stopped.
“I was out of line.” He came to stand behind me, his large hands landing on my hips. “Let me at least make it up to you and take you home.”
“You hurt me,” I told him, choosing not to face him. I didn’t want him to see how much he hurt me, even as I admitted to it. “It’s not often I let people get close enough to get that chance.”
“I hear you.” He stepped around me, stuck a long finger out to tilt my chin so I’d meet his gaze. “No woman as ever come close to meaning so much to me and in such a short time, that I’m jealous of her time with other men.”
I meant something to him. I was curious to ask what that meant. Maybe even desperate to know, wanting a soft place to land. But your girl’s ego had been badly bruised, so I went against my nature, tamped down the urge to seek his approval, and kept my mouth shut.
If it were Jax, he would have already had me in his arms, kissing my anger away.
No. If it had been Jax, this never would have happened. Jax had never made me feel less than. He cherished the ugly pieces of myself I tried to hide from him. Worshipped every inch of my body until I believed I was worth more than the little I allowed myself to have.
He’d show me I was more than a good fuck, more than a good time, more than the angry hothead who spouted off at the mouth because I was too scared of being vulnerable.
Experience had taught me, girls like me weren’t good for anything other than what was between my legs. I had the face, body—shit, I’m too self-aware to not know what I look like. Or what most men see, when they looked at me. I’m not built for loving; I’m built for fucking. A long time ago, I decided I’d keep my heart safe and enjoy the ride.
You can’t disgrace me and call me out of my name if I showed from jump that I’m that bitch who’ll fuck you anywhere, anyhow. Ass, mouth pussy, I was down and willing for it all. I took pride in leaving them wanting more, like an addict fiending for another taste.
“Don’t be mad. I’m an asshole.”
“Yeah, you are.”
Bash grinned. “The worst kind.” Leaning in, he kissed me. “Do you forgive me?”
The bastard’s smile spread from ear to ear. I eased up onto my toes, gripped the back of his head, and stuck my tongue down his throat.
He moaned into the kiss, stepping closer to enclose me in his arms.
I released him and stepped back, clearing his reach. “Don’t do it again.”
He squeezed his dick, didn’t even pretend to hide it. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he quickly sent off a text.
“All good?” I asked.
“Yeah, just letting my boy know we’re heading home.”
An SUV sped by, stealing my attention. I could have sworn it was Regina behind the wheel, but before I got a good look, Bash was in my face, stealing another kiss.
Just when the kiss was getting good, he pulled back, slipped an arm around my shoulder and steered me back the way we came. “I’m this way.”
Ahead of us, all four frat boys were on their feet, postures slouched, looking dazed as if they didn’t know how the hell, they’d ended up flat on their backs.
Tucked under Bash’s arm, I smirked and twiddled my fingers at the assholes as we passed. The look of confusion on their faces was comical.