Imagine existing in a dream where nothing you knew was truly what it seemed. That was the nightmare I woke from, the lie I’d been told my whole life.
I wish I knew how many times I’d been mind-wiped.
‘Till today, fragments of images popped out of nowhere. Like I said a word could trigger it, and sometimes a sound or even a scent. Most of the time, it was so jarring it took my breath away.

Mind-wiping was their go-to for everything when it came to safeguarding the truth of their existence. But we’re not there yet, the Change happened a little later.
Or so we all thought.
At this point in the story I was flying down the hall, promising myself I wouldn’t look back no matter what. The sounds of swords clashing, bodies slamming into walls and grunts of pain were chasing me.
Keep moving, I told myself.
I was there, a step away from bursting through the door when I heard him.
“What are you waiting for?” Bash grunted. “Get it over with,” he huffed out.

Oh god. I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart a deafening drum in my ears as I turned, terrified of what I might see.
Fallen Blades bled out on the floor alongside the last two of Bash’s men. He’d put up a fight, a damn good fight, but he was outnumbered and outmatched.
The quiet maiden Eren held Bash suspended on the air by whatever power she wielded, his limbs bent at odd angles.
“Bash!” I screamed.

His head snapped around. Blood dripped from the deep lacerations decorating his face, slowing healing.
“Damn it, Hollis.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, what else was there to say.
Rage darkened his features. He threw his head back and growled at the heavens. Fangs flashing, he twisted and thrashed against the Trine’s hold.
A moment later he sucked a breath in and blew it out nosily. His boy sagged, his head lolling forward onto his heaving chest.
“FUCK.” He cursed; all his frustration condensed into that single word. Sighing, he lifted his head and looked back at me. “Ah, Pretty. Don’t let me die for nothing.”
No. I shook my head, the thought too much to bear.
“Please, don’t.” The pain squeezing my chest a physical thing as I stepped forward. “Please don’t hurt him.”
I couldn’t let another person die in my name. Not Bash, as little as I knew him, losing him would break me.
The Trine cocked her head to the side, staring past Bash at me, like a curious cat fixed on a bug on the wall.
“Death has no feelings,” the Trine hummed.
“I’m not death, I’m just trying to live my life. This is not what I want.”  I cast my hands at the lifeless bodies at her feet. “I didn’t ask for any of this. Shit, I don’t even know what any of it means.”
The Trine flicked her wrist and Bash went flying. He bounced off the wall, left a huge dent and landed on the floor in a broken heap of flesh and bone.
“Bash?” I squeaked out, biting back on the scream filling my chest as I watched the blood spread away from his body. “Bash?”
“It’s worse, not knowing, I think.” She looked at me, and funny enough, behind the green glow, I saw pity. “You’re not an innocent, girl. You’re the deathbringer, this, all of it, is your doing. You sow chaos wherever you go.”
“Bash?” I was barely listening to her. All I wanted was for him to get up. “Bash, please. Please get up. Don’t leave me.”
This was why I didn’t do relationships. I didn’t get attached. People left; the one’s you love died. And you’re left drifting in the endlessness of time with memories, some so painful they become the very fabric of your makeup. Do you want to know how many versions of mum dying I’d lived through?
I wouldn’t do that to you; it would be too cruel.
“Rene Dawnscar should have done the honorable thing; think of all the lives she could have saved this day.”
Dawnscar. My mother. The memory sliced through my mind. I jerked as searing pain, hot and piercing, gripped me.
“Say after me, sweetpea.” Mum’s voice floated up from the depths of my subconscious.
“Okay, Mommy.”
       She was standing behind me. And I was standing on a stool before the mirror, a toothbrush in my hand as I watched her brushed my hair back into one.
Mum had the prettiest smile, dimpled cheeks and warm brown eyes that sparkled. “I am a good girl...”
A whimper fell from my lips, but I refused to buckle. Under the onslaught of the bittersweet memory, I straightened my spine. The recollection was so vivid, it was as if she were standing right there in front me.
The sudden realization I could no longer touch her, and knowing I’d never be able to run to her again for comfort, nearly crippled me.
I sucked in a breath and gritted my teeth, fighting through the pain to keep from breaking.
“I am not death,” I said, tearing away from the memory and back to the reality mum had risked everything to shield me from. “I am Rene Emery’s daughter.” With each word, my voice grew stronger. Something within me rose, shrugging free of its restraint. “I am Hollis, granddaughter of Ophelia, sister of the wind, friend to the trees.” Static crackled in the air around me as I began to walk forward. “I am made of the earth, sun and water. And I. Am. Love.”
With every breath in my body, I balled my hands into fists and screamed my pain. The Trine’s eyes flew open in surprise, seconds before the shockwave of my agony tore the clothes from her body and the skin from her bones.
For one terrible heartbeat, her bloodied body stood before me—frozen in shock.
The Trine took a step forward, then another, her movements stiff. Her gaze dropped and realization struck.
First came the scream. The torturous sound split the air as the Trine, caught in the throes of death, collapsed to the ground. He body convulsed as she took her last breath.
Then came silence. I’d never known there could be such silence.
A lifetime passed between one breath and the next. I swayed on my feet, gasping for air, my mind divorced from what I was seeing, from what I’d done.
I blinked, tears spilling down my cheeks as a rush of cold seeped into my veins. I wasn’t me but I was, and something else. This something else held no regard for the dead; it raged beneath my skin, hungry for more.
With a small shake of my head, I pushed it back. Enough. I’d had enough and only wanted to curl into a ball and go to sleep.
But first. “Bash.” I took one step and dropped to my knees.
Darkness crowded my vision.
Someone pushed through the door behind me. Be it friend or foe, I didn’t have the strength to look back and confirm.
Relief washed over me at the sound of the familiar voice. I let go, sank to the floor and let the darkness take me.