Elsie
I woke in the middle of the night to an empty bed, and my first thought was Kellan had changed his mind about us. I am scared the way we connected tonight has scared him off. Everything about it was different, from how he kissed and touched me to the things he said and how his body moved with mine. Yes, sex between us is always passionate, but tonight it felt different. It was slower and gentle rather than rough and hard. It was incredible, and I had never felt anything like it. I know Kellan isn’t used to being this way either with women. I still can’t work out why I am different unless he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear.
I sigh, sitting up and glancing around my room, but I can’t see much in the dark, so I switch my bedside lamp on for a better look, but he is nowhere in sight. I climbed out of bed, grabbed my dressing down to wrap it around myself since I was still naked and went to search the rest of the apartment. I couldn’t find him anywhere, and his things seemed to be gone.

My first thought was right. He left. I shake my head, run my fingers through my messy hair, and try to figure out what to do. It was three o’clock in the morning, and if he did go home, he might be sleeping. I won’t lie; it hurt that he just up and left without a word.
I go to the kitchen for some water, “Hey, what are you doing up at this time?” I hear Barry ask from behind me. I turn to face him, “Your brother up and left without a word.” The sadness in my voice is evident.
“Elsie, don’t take it personally,” he sighs, “How can I not? He tells me he wants to be with me in a real relationship and then disappears.” My sadness has turned into annoyance.
“He did? Wow! He must really like and care for you because he has never really had a real relationship,” he smiles, “He obviously didn’t mean it because he disappeared.”
“Elsie, I promise, it has nothing to do with you. For as long as I remember, he disappeared most nights, but he always returned. We never knew where he went or why and we didn’t ask because we sensed he needed it,” he says softly, “Go back to bed. He will show up.” he encourages.
I nod, say goodnight, and take my water to the bedroom. I appreciate him trying to make me feel better, but I don’t know if Kellan will show back up.

I climb back into bed, lift my cell and open a text to Kellan.
You left. Why?
I sent the text and then heard a beeping sound from the other side of the bed. I notice his cell on the bedside unit. He left it! I wonder if it was on purpose or by mistake.
I knew there was no point in trying to get back to sleep straight away because it wouldn’t work. Plus, I would worry about Kellan, especially since he doesn’t have his cell with him.

I take the book from my bedside table and put my earphones in. It will be a long night if I can’t get back to sleep.
***
It was five o’clock, and there was still no sign of Kellan. I decided it was time to try to get a couple of hours of sleep. I put my book and earphones away and reach over to put the light off, but Kellan sneaks in my bedroom door just as I do.
“Where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick,” I snap, making him jump because I don’t believe he expected me to be still awake.
“Why are you awake? It is late,” he replies, avoiding my question, “Why am I awake? Why do you think? I woke up, and you were gone, your cell left behind.” I couldn’t work out if I were more upset or annoyed at him.
“Angel, I am sorry, I just needed a little time on my own,” he sits on the edge of the bed, “You mean away from me? Kellan, if this isn’t what you want, tell me that and don’t lead me on.” I refuse to let him take the piss out of me. I let it happen once before. It isn’t happening again, no matter how much I like him, how crazy he makes and how amazing he makes me feel. I am not getting taken for a fool again.
Kellan crawls to me, kneeling in front of me, “Is that what you think? I left to get away from you?” I answer with a nod, “I promise, angel, it was nothing to do with you. Everything I said to you, I meant. Everything that happened between us tonight was real. I swear that my leaving has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you.” He places his hand on my cheek, caressing my cheek with his thumb.
“Then why leave, Kellan?” I whimper, “It has something I have always done. You know I don’t sleep too well, and usually, when that happens, I need to go do something else. It can be anything from walking or driving to stopping in at one of the twenty-four-hour gyms. If I don’t do something else, then I get lost in my head and do stupid things, and I am trying not to be that guy anymore.” His eyes are filled with sadness and disappointment in himself.
“You could have woken me, Kellan, talked to me. I would have even come with you if you had asked me to. Kellan, we are together now, and I need you to be honest with me, trust me.” I take his hand in mine, looking him straight in the eyes because he needs to know I mean every word I am telling him.
“I know. I am sorry, baby girl. All this is still so new, and I don’t want to unload all my shit on you. I want to be with you, Elsie, and I swear I will try harder. Please don’t think I don’t trust you because I do, and it takes a lot for me to trust people. Don’t give up on me.” he begs.
Seeing him vulnerable like this is strange: “Kellan, I am not giving up on you, but I need you to talk to me. I can see it in your eyes. You have a million secrets and a lot of demons, and they weigh you down. It isn’t good for you to keep everything inside.”
Kellan tenses with every word I say. I get onto my knees in front of him, take his face in my hands and kiss him softly. He relaxes, kissing me back. When we part, he opens his eyes.
“I will tell you everything, Elsie, but you must give me time. There is a lot, and I would rather not put it all out there when we are only beginning. I want to enjoy it before I share because there is a chance you won’t want me after, you know.” He went to pull away, but I didn’t let him.
“Kellan, I understand and take the time you need, but I won’t be going anywhere when you open up to me. Your past is your past, and it is part of you. I would never judge you for it.” He seemed like such a confident man, but in reality, I believe a lot of it was an act to hide how he truly felt.
“Okay,” he whispered, kissing me softly, “We should try to get some sleep, beautiful.” He adds, jumping to his feet to strip down and slipping into bed next to me.
I snuggle in, and he wraps his arms tightly, protectively around me.
“I am sorry I left without telling you, Elise. It won’t happen again.” He sighs, kissing the top of my head.
I snuggle in tighter, laying my head on his chest, “It is okay, baby.” I whisper, kissing his chest.
He leans over, switching the light off, and we settle down for the night. Hopefully when I wake he will still be here.