ARIA.
I let my fork clatter to the plate that I ate from. I had lost all appetite due to overthinking. Everything had changed in the space of one day and it was too much for me to comprehend.
Pushing the tray of food to the side, I laid back into bed and stared up at the ceiling, heaving a deep sigh of sadness and regret.

Once again, I shouldn't have stepped out to serve dinner last night. Hell, I'd never served the dinner table so why the hell did I do that? For Lyall to see me?
I should have just let him come to me at his own time when he had done the whole explanation.
But I did none of that. I did none of that! All because I wanted to see him and I wanted him to see me, I had messed everything up.
Slipping my fingers through my hair, I let out a groan of exasperation. I should apologize.
But when and how do I do that? I'm sure Lyall is having dinner with the Queen. He's probably smiling at her. Of course, he must have apologized. He literally worships her. I see it in the way he speaks to her like he'd rather not have me than lose her. It brings tears to my eyes.
Sniffling, I pull the tray towards me before I start to chomp off my food. Soon enough, the tears start to stream down my cheeks and I start to sob heavily.

I leaned back against the bed and wiped my face before pulling to my feet and picking up the tray. I am well aware that no one will take my tray. I mean, every maid around hates me like I am the reason for their misery. So it's best I stayed away from them.
Placing my tray on the table, I make a mental note to take it to the kitchen once neither of them is having dinner.
Walking back to the bed, I slip in, biting into my nails as I think of what to do with my day. Read a book like royals do when they're bored? Because I know I won't be allowed to take a walk. And even if I am, I don't think I'd be comfortable. Not with the way news is spreading like a wildfire.
So I climb out of my bed once again, going over the sill to take a seat and see what's going on from outside.

Down below, I watch the gardener trim the bushes and prune the flowers while knowing fully well that they must have talked about how I went from being a maid to warming the King's bed. It has me wondering if he's going to touch me as much as he used to or if he's going to just do it once and stop once I get pregnant.
He's going to send me out of the Palace once I give him a child. He's going to throw me out. He said it. Oh, he said it.
So why are we mated if things are going to end like this? I look up to the skies. I mean, the moon goddess wouldn't mate me to someone who doesn't care about me, right? Because it's starting to feel like Lyall doesn't. He only cares about the throne and his wife. It's the only thing he's protecting from all these while I remain here, watching and hoping he glances at me.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I burst into tears, hating all of these. Hating that this has to happen. Oh, I want to be loved without borders. I want to be loved so genuinely that I feel suffocated by it. I want to be loved like I am the only one that matters more than the whole population of races and species to ever exist.
Why don't I get whatever I want? I mean, I'm not asking for too much, right? I asked for my mother not to die and she did. I asked for a good life and someone to love me no matter what but I didn't get that. I got to work as a slave to the King.
And when I finally thought that something was going to change, it didn't! It fucking didn't! He doesn't care about me. He's the King and he has his people to serve, his dignity and authority to uphold. I have to give him a son so his bloodline can continue.
I have been made a breeder.
I break into another bout of sobs, my chest heaving as I try to rein in my emotions. But I can't. I can't hold back. I know I should sit up and take things as life has brought it to me but I can't. How can I just take things as they are when I want to be loved so badly? How can I just accept what I do not need just because I want to remain by the King's side? Just so I could be desperately loved?
Wiping the snot off my nose with my dress, I jump down from the sill, walk back to the bed and plop into the comfy sheets where I drift to sleep.
"Is she awake?" A voice comes, very familiar jolts me out of my sleep. But I remain in bed, waiting for whoever is being talked to to give a reply
"Yes, Your Majesty. She looks deeply asleep."
Lyall is here to see me? My body reacts to his presence immediately. I know I should act like I didn't hear a thing but I can't. I know I should keep sleeping because I want him out of here but I can't bring myself to do that. I want to see him. I want to speak to him even if all I want to do is hate him and try to get over him.
My eyes blink open and the maid pulls away immediately, turning to Lyall who is seated on one of the Chippendale chairs in the room. "She's awake, your majesty."
My eyes fleeted over to him as I sat up in bed. He's seated and dressed in a pair of dark breeches that hug his perfectly sculpted legs. A pair of equally dark boots tightens around his feet and he's wearing a coat over his shirt. His hair has been brushed back but a few strands fall over his face. My body trembles at his sight before me.
I shouldn't want him. I shouldn't find him good-looking enough to want him here forever. I should ask him to leave and mean it. I should tell him I don't want to see him and mean it. Oh, I should walk him out.
"Leave us." He finally says to the maid. She bows in reverence and walks out of the room before shutting the door behind her.
I am once again, alone with the bane of my very existence.
Leaning back against his seat, Lyall places one leg over the other. "How are you?"
"You shouldn't concern yourself with the wellbeing of your breeder."
He closed his eyes and facepalmed like he didn't want to hear me say that again. "Let's not do this."
Through the nervousness, I smile. "Do you think I want to do this, too? Do you think I want to be here, locked up in my room and asked not to step out? Let's not do this, Lyall. You should leave."
"I am not leaving," He replies calmly. "I am your King and I will do whatever pleases me."
Nodding, I take his words with a spoon of salt. "Alright then. If you're here to breed me, then do it, please. Let's get this over with so I can carry your child and you can leave me the hell alone."
"I am not here to breed you or any sort," He shakes his head. "I am also not here to listen to whatever you have to say about how I see you, Aria. I want to spend time with you. And no, we're not talking about what happened last night. Not until I am done processing all of these."
"What if my way of processing things is by talking about it, Lyall?" I called out in a loud voice. "When are you going to make this about me too? When are you going to consider how I feel about this, too? Or don't you care enough to know how this makes me feel, huh?"
Sighing, he pushes to his feet and walks over to me. "I do care, Aria. I know it feels like I don't."
I shook my head. "You don't. There's nothing like me feeling that you don't care about me. You said it. You said I would be kicked out as soon as I give birth. You made me sound like a breeder and that is what I am holding onto. I want no form of attachment with you when it is obvious that I would leave as soon as this is over."
"But I don't want you to leave." He sighs. "I said all of that but I didn't mean it. Please, Aria. Stop making me feel this way. I want you—"
"I don't.”