[Gemma]When I felt my bond with Austin sever, I was stunned for a moment. I’d spent most of the afternoon and evening comforting his parents, grandparents, and brother. They supported me when I was overwhelmed with worry, but I was more focused on them. I knew it was what he wanted. Ben and Darla, along with my aunt and uncle, were with us. I was grateful to have them nearby. We spent hours with no information, then Ben got a report that Mike was brought to the pack hospital in bad shape. My aunt and uncle left to help watch the babies so Beth and Corrine could both go be with him. My bond severed, and it felt like someone had sliced me in half. Pain seared inside me and I put my hand where my mark should have been. When I found it gone, I almost collapsed. Austin’s family stared at me. The strongest connection was to our mates, so they felt it more definitively, but our parents could sometimes get a twinge if their child died as an adult. It was more common for them to feel it if their child was still a pup. “Was that...?” Austin’s mom whispered. I nodded, unable to speak as tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t believe it. My mate, the love of my life, was gone. How could I go on without him?Ben put a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, but it only made my pain worse. I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone touching me when Austin couldn’t.Austin’s dad stood up, his eyes filled with sadness. “No,” he said, his voice breaking. “It can’t be. It’s too soon.”His parents held each other and cried. His brother seemed to crumple, and I saw his grandparents lean against each other. I looked down at my hands. Hadn’t I always told him I would protect him, I would be there for him? And I wasn’t. I stayed here and left it up to someone else to save him. I thought about Mike in the hospital. That should have told me all I needed to know. If our Beta, one of the strongest fighters in the pack, almost died, then what hope did my sweet omega mate have? For a moment, the room was silent. The room slowly filled with muffled sobs from Austin's family. It was as if someone had sucked the air out of the room, leaving behind only heart-wrenching sadness and despair. I trudged toward the door, wanting to escape the pain and grief that surrounded me. But as I reached for the doorknob, a sudden wave of dizziness washed over me and I stumbled, almost falling to the floor.Ben caught me before I could hit the ground and held me steady. “Gemma, you can’t go out there. You’re in no condition to be alone right now.”“Don’t touch me!” I shouted and pushed my cousin away. My outburst startled everyone else in the apartment living room. I looked at all of them and felt lost. I should have been there. When Trent asked me what I wanted to do, I should have said I wanted to go with them. The world suddenly became a blur, the sounds around me muffled and distant. All I could think about was Austin and everything I lost when I lost him. He was my whole heart, and I didn’t want to live without him. As I stumbled out of the apartment, I was barely aware of the people who tried to stop me. Thoughts of Austin and how much I loved him consumed my mind. It was as if his absence had created a void in my life—a void that could never be filled.With tear-filled eyes, I rushed out onto the street. The cool night air did nothing to soothe my aching heart. I walked aimlessly, barely aware of my surroundings, until I arrived at the edge of the forest where Austin and I used to go for walks.I collapsed onto the ground, my knees sinking into the soft earth as I cried out in agony. I’d lived with Gammas long enough to know this pain wouldn’t go away for a while. My cousin might be giving me space now, but he wouldn’t let me be alone for too long. Wanting to be away from everyone else, and away from my memories of Austin, I got up and ran into the forest. There was a spot I was planning to take him in June when it was warm and green. When I reached it, I plopped onto the ground and pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my arms on them and laying my head down. The tears flowed freely now, and I felt like I was drowning in them.No matter how I thought about it, all I could see was how I’d failed him. Did he suffer? Was he scared? Did anyone try to save him? As all these thoughts raced around my head, I alternated between being curled up on the ground sobbing and raging while I paced and hit things. Sometimes I was mad at others, sometimes at myself, and at least a few times at the goddess herself. I thought some very unfair things about my Alpha, my goddess, my cousin, and my best friend. “Why do I lose everyone I love?” I whimpered as the birds started chirping. “What did I do wrong? Why am I being punished? Please give him back to me. Please don’t take him away.” The sun started to rise and I couldn’t be anything but destroyed at the idea of the world moving on without Austin. How cruel could the goddess be? A sunny, beautiful day while I was in so much pain seemed like a slap in the face. As I sat there, I realized that my anger and pain wouldn’t bring Austin back. It was only going to make the void he left in my life seem even bigger. I knew I had to find a way to move forward, even if it was just one step at a time.Maybe I could transfer out of the pack. I could go to Polar Star with Ashley. Then I wouldn’t have to see Austin’s family or anything that reminded me of him again. Of course, the thought of never seeing anything that reminded me of him again hurt even more. The hollow feeling in my chest grew at the idea of leaving my home to escape the past. Memories were all I had of Austin anymore. The sun rose further, but I didn’t want to leave this place. I didn’t want to see the people who would remind me of what I lost. I didn’t want to see the things that would bring back more memories. The pain of the bond being severed was fading. It was like the goddess was taking the last bit of Austin with her. She tore him out of my heart and soul without leaving a scar to remember him by. I looked at the ring on my finger. This was all that would remain of my bond with Austin by the end of the day. There was a rustling in the nearby trees. My nose was stuffed up from crying, but I didn’t really care who it was. If it was a violent rogue or a hunter, I would be with Austin again. If it were someone else, they’d leave once they saw me. If it was my cousin, I knew he would start helping me heal, even if I didn’t want to heal. I glanced over and saw Carmen come out of the forest. Her clothes were torn, dirty, and bloody. There were clean streaks on her cheeks where her tears had washed things away. It surprised me to see Carmen there, but I said nothing. I just watched her as she approached me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She sat down next to me, her shoulder touching mine. For a moment, we sat there in silence, listening to the birds singing in the trees above us.“Gem, I’m sorry. I couldn’t save him. Austin was amazing the whole time. He was like a warrior, so brave and strong. I tried to keep him alive, but there was a demon. It trapped us and it hunted us down. He shouldn’t have died. It should have been me. Goddess, I’m so sorry, Gemma,” Carmen whispered as she cried. Trent told me the cult took Austin to make Carmen comply and go with them. I was angry at her for saying he was brave and strong. He shouldn’t have needed to be. He wouldn’t have been kidnapped if not for her. But I didn’t yell or scream. None of it mattered now because Austin was gone.All I could do was sit next to her while she cried. Some part of me knew I should forgive her and tell her it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t make myself do that right now. It was all too fresh. The lingering bits of pain drove home the loss of my mate. “You must hate me. I hate me. I wasn’t strong enough or good enough to save anyone. I couldn’t protect your mate. One demon nearly killed my brother. The other demon killed my father and almost killed my mate. I’m the most fuсking useless werewolf in existence. If you never forgive me, I understand. Just tell me and I’ll never talk to you again.”Carmen’s words made my throat tighten, and I finally found a few words to say. I reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it hard. “I don’t hate you. You should never think that I do. You fought for us, Carmen, with everything you had. I’ve known you long enough to know that. Austin was lucky to have had such a friend looking after him. Even if....”“Please don’t comfort me, Gemma. I didn’t mean to make this about me. I know you’re hurting and I know it’s my fault. You should be mad at me. You should hate me.” “No, Carmen,” I whispered. “You don’t know how much it hurts that he’s gone forever, but you’re not really the one to blame. The person who killed him is. The people who took him are. The goddess who let this happen is.” My voice broke with tears at the mention of the goddess. Carmen gasped. She pulled her hands away from mine and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “It was a demon that was to blame and an asshole elf. It was me for not bringing another guard with me. This wasn’t the goddess, Gemma. The goddess sent so many amazing people to save us. They tried so hard, but things didn’t go our way. Austin died saving me. He and my dad knocked me out of the way of the demon when it tried to hit me and it hit them instead....” “Your dad?”“He died, too. A lot of people died last night, Gemma,” Carmen replied. Matt had gone a little crazy before he left the pack. Ben told me all about it. Corrine was hurting really badly after she rejected their connection. At least she didn’t have to go through the pain of feeling her mate die. Carmen just lost her dad and almost lost her brother. She was injured while fighting and nearly lost her mate. Goddess only knows how many friends we lost last night. But she still came out looking for me to apologize. I wanted to cry for my friend. More than anything, I wanted to be the person I’d always been, but I couldn’t. Even though I still loved her, it was too soon for me to feel anything for anyone else. Twenty-four hours ago, my mate was alive. He went to work. We were planning a trip in a couple of months. We were looking forward to the weekend. Then it was all gone. “You need time, don’t you? I love you and I’m here when you need me. When you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything that happened. For now, can I sit with you and hold your hand until you’re ready to deal with your cousin trying to help you?” Carmen asked. A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips. Carmen knew me. I couldn’t deal with the details right now, but I knew I’d want them eventually. Once I had dealt with him being gone, I would want to know every detail of his last day alive. “Yeah,” I whispered as I laced my fingers between hers and leaned my head on her shoulder. “I need some time. Part of me really wants to be mad at you, but another part of me knows there was nothing you could have done to stop it. I know you. You have Beta blood and you were so protective of him from the moment you saved him in November.” “Be mad at me if it helps. I’ll love you no matter what you say, or if you scream and hit me, or if you cut all contact until you can think of me without wanting to kill me. I will never stop being here for you,” she told me with a shaking voice. We sat there in silence for a while. Well, pseudo-silence. The sounds of animals, bugs, and our occasionally halting breath were all we could hear. “Was it fast, at least?” I asked quietly. “From what everyone tells me, it was really fast, and he probably didn’t suffer at all.”I nodded and went back to being quiet. It was fast. My mate didn’t suffer. He wasn’t lying in pain somewhere waiting for death before it took him.Knowing that he didn’t suffer made it a little easier for me. As we sat, Myta, my wolf, whimpered. She hadn’t talked to me since we felt the bond with Austin sever. She had always been of one mind with me. We rarely argued. She loved Knut and Austin as much as I did. She was weak because of the loss of the connection. I was, too. I was so tired and I felt like I wanted to sleep forever. Life was too hard without him. Carmen and I sat together for a couple of hours. When I thought I could deal with my cousin and the rest of my family, we went back. Carmen walked with me to my apartment. Ben was sitting in front of my door. He looked up at me with a hopeful but sad expression. Ben stood up and held his arms open for me. I let go of Carmen and went to my cousin. When his arms wrapped around me, the dam broke again. It would be a long time before I was more stable, but I had family and friends who would be there for me. “Ashley’s on her way home. She’s going to come stay with you for a while. We’re going to be here for you, Gem. I promise we won’t leave you alone to deal with this anymore,” he whispered. It had probably been hard for him to give me the time he did. Ben was so caring and took his job as Gamma seriously. I clung to him as we went into the apartment that smelled like me and Austin. Living here would hurt, but having his smell around actually comforted me a bit. Even if he was gone, there was a little of him with me for a while longer.